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Scorecard

With the weather a constant threat and the Pink Pigs struggling for numbers, the opening game of the 2009/2010 season was always going to be interesting. Not as interesting as the 50th Anniversary Miss Cumquat Tasmania 2009 Pageant at which Mr Nathan Stewart was an esteemed judge*, but more interesting than P Eller’s latest dissertation on the state of the plastic cup market in SE Asia**. Just.

Debut’s galore for the pigs with 3 new faces and two long awaited comebacks. Despite this, the Pigs would be 1 player short.

Introductions out of the way and the new boys looked keen, practicing their catches with some spirited fielding practice at 12.40. Regular Pigs Antonio x 2, Buck, De Rosa, Eller and Whitaker were standing around having a smoke, a chat and catching up. M Whitaker, our beloved captain for the day, decided at 12.42:50 that it might be time for a toss with the opposing captain. Of note for the Pigs end of season awards is that at precisely 12.43pm on Saturday 10th October 2009 Adam Antonio made the first “Toss” joke for season 2009/2010. This was followed by the second “Toss” joke at 12.47pm. I think in case anyone missed the first***. Comedy quality to begin the season.

Having won the toss and decided to bat, M Whitaker sent in two debutants. Both had not played for some time. Confidently, Josh Holt and Bradley Austin strode to the crease.

Although not having had any cricket for a couple of years, Josh did play at a competitive level as a handy Wicket-Keeper/Batsman. To say the big Pigs crowd was looking forward to some Champagne A-Reserve grade cricket was an understatement. And facing his first ball of the season, he looked good. Very handy, watchful even. A further few balls and the umpires were thinking, this guy could make a century. Josh got off the mark well with a nicely glanced single. Second over I think, he had a quick look at the first ball. Rubbish from Cooke. Second ball, even filthier rubbish wide and high outside off stump, slashed at, gooooone, for a well made 1.

At the other end, Brad didn’t look confident. A Pigs debut for the young man, playing his first game of competitive cricket since his suspension from the Taiwanese national side in 2007 for verbal abuse****. Anyway, he can bat a bit so maybe he just needed to settle in. Whoops. No. Smashing six hooked twenty metres over the square leg boundary. Ouch. Next ball, same spot, a repeat dose! Oh. No, caught by the backpedaling mid-wicket. 2-9

This meant the Amazing Antonio Brothers™ were at the crease together and a handy albeit slow moving partnership was just the ticket for the struggling Pigs. With the Bonnons doing to us what they have done in the past by strangling the runs.

Damo, Out. Adam, Out. And the Pigs were 4 down now with only 28 odd on the board and 14 overs gone. At the crease now was the big hitting Peller and the comeback player Lachlan Molony. Lachlan had played a couple of games for the Pigs in the past and was looking forward to seeing whether the intervening years had been kind to him or not. Peller played a couple of defensive strokes to settle in. I’ll say that again just in case you missed it. Peller played a couple of defensive strokes to settle in and whilst Lachlan was starting to get settled some runs started to flow. Both Pete and Lachlan hit a couple of boundaries and Pigs heads on the sideline started to lift.

Lachlan was dismissed and in strode family man Rick De Rosa. Rick had looked the goods on the sideline before the game wearing a lovely pair of tailored slacks, an Armani T-Shirt and a delightful Wayne Cooper Cardigan with Satin back Panel. Straight from the catwalks of Milan to William Cowan St Ives. To top off his ensemble, Ricky was seen in a lovely pair of “Bees Head” Gucci sun glasses*****. Ricky settled straight away and played some classy shots including a delightful 4 before he was dismissed on 7. Perhaps he’d forgotten to hang up the Cardigan?

Pete was still up the other end smashing boundaries and looked truly very good. Another year and another winter have been kind to the old feller. Following Rick’s dismissal, the third and final Pigs debutante arrived at the crease. And I for one was hopeful. A tall man, with a manicured beard and the eyes of a hungry hawk, David Wild****** strode to the crease with determination and a strong desire to get some runs. After a long partnership with Peller of which David contributed a couple, it was time for David to head back to the Pavilion.

This brought the Reduced Fat Buck to the crease. Having lost a few kilos over the winter training in the hands of the world renowned and punishing fitness guru N Horley, RFB was hoping that the reduced weight would help with his cricket. After watching the first ball from Cotton come by with a bit of pace but doing nothing, RFB played his trademarked cross bat slog to mid wicket. Unfortunately the ball was about three metres slower so plopped on to his Reduced Fat Arse and trickled in to the wickets for the first Pigs duck of the season. With his established goal for 09/10 being to score no ducks, Peller could be heard mumbling “nice work dick head” as he trudged off the field.

Peller celebrated the first game of the season and M Whitaker’s arrival at the crease by scoring his maiden 09/10 50 with great style and finesse. With Whitaker at the crease though, the Pigs passed the 100 mark and with his grittiness and determination in the face of adversity well known, the 150 was not out of reach. Especially with Peller in such fine form at the other end. Unfortunately, Pete mistimed his first shot of the day and skied the ball to Mid Off. Pigs first game of the season was not looking good, posting a paltry 104. But with some fine bowlers in the side it was still winnable.

Bucky (0-20) opened the bowling from the Maccas end and immediately found some swing. Unfortunately, the ball was already off the pitch. The positive was that his pace was up and he bowled several great balls that had the batsmen in all sorts. Unfortunately, every edge or nick went by the keeper or through the vacant second slip region. He says he was unlucky.******* Whitaker (1-20) opened from the other end and straight away was back to his dangerous best. Constantly beating the bat and with his pace quite high he was very unlucky not to have a wicket in the first couple. Third over in though and the breakthrough came with Whitaker removing one of the openers with a great ball.

Next up, Damo (1-20), who was playing his first game of cricket after two years cycling around Asia and India. Damo spent the majority of those two years attempting to “find himself”********. Well done Damo. With the Bonnons ticking along nicely at five an over and only 1 wicket down, something special was needed. Thankfully Damo delivered. A special over of special shite that was dismissed to all corners of William Cowan. Welcome back Damo and with Whitaker verbalising that he wanted to give everyone a chance to bowl we all thought that over would be his last. No, Whitaker showed faith and was rewarded with the Damo of old. Some excellent deliveries and some great pace which resulted in another wicket. Nice work Damo. After so long away it is good to have you back at last!

Adamant came on and started well, had a few boundaries taken off him and was unlucky to have a catch dropped. I say unlucky but if Josh had taken that and not broken his hand it would have been a massive surprise.

The debutants Brad and David rolled their arm over and kept things reasonably tight. David’s quick and is a definite prospect for the pigs. Lachlan came on to bowl and was impressive. But the big surprise was Josh. A Wicketkeeper/Batsman who came off a ten pace run up and was all arms and legs had poor Ricky nursing an injured hand after taking one that came through at about 130km/h. Next ball saw Ricky take four steps back.

With the sun coming out finally and the Pigs starting to apply some pressure it was sad to see the Bonnons take the win off a no-ball. Pigs lose their first game of the season by 4 wickets. Well done to the Bonnons as usual for a tough match. They really know how to get the better of us but we’ll ensure the tables are turned next time around.

All in all a pretty disappointing start to the season. A player short, a poor batting performance and a bit sloppy with the bowling. It’s hard to see us play any worse than that so things should be on the up from here.

Well done boys. On to Gore Hill next week.

* Won by the attractively moniker-ed Helga Bigasahaus
** Buoyant
*** We didn’t, it wasn’t funny
**** Apparently he was asking directions to the pavilion but the Chinese language is notoriously difficult and his tonal mistakes meant that instead of asking for the bathroom he had enquired whether the Captain’s younger sister would be interested in a ménage with him and a goat. Poor form.
***** And he maintains Paddington hasn’t changed him!
****** Daniel Vettori’s stunt double.
******* He thinks he’s unlucky if he’s smacked for 6 back over his head.
******** Read, get laid in as many countries as possible.

PS – The pitch was a joke. It has clearly quite recently held a corroboree with a 2 feet by two feet melted patch on a fullish length. In addition, there are patches of new Astroturf laid on the pitch with height differences of 2-5cm’s. In addition, the entire edge of the pitch including the bowlers take off point were covered in this black mould or moss which was extremely slippery. On a wet day, which it was, it is dangerous and were it not the long awaited first game of the season, the match would probably have been called off.